My friend Lillian, who like me, is a feminist, also loves to cook and frequently brings comestibles to her workplace to share. One of her female coworkers said, “WOW! I would never have guessed you were such a good cook because you are such a feminist.” It was a comment that made me go, “Hmmmm?” and proceeded to spark a short, but heated conversation on Facebook. Why would anyone, a woman especially, think that if you are a good cook you couldn’t be a feminist? Is it demeaning to women to WANT to be good cooks? And if you are culinarily gifted are you, in some strange way, undermining the cause of feminism? WTH?!

According to an online Dictionary:

fem•i•nist
[fem-uh-nist]
adjective Sometimes, fem•i•nis•tic.
1. advocating social, political, legal, and economic rights for women equal to
those of men.
noun
2. an advocate of such rights.

It never occurred to me that just because I choose to work from home and work primarily as a home maker, that someone would think I am NOT feministic. I have an herb garden. I use the food co-op (neo-hippie). I make most of my food from scratch and I still rally for women’s rights. Am I supposed to NOT stand up for myself and other women because I ENJOY all of those things? Does the fact that I am a crappy housekeeper cut me any slack on the feminist front? The fact that I am a staunch supporter of women’s rights should preclude me from enjoying home making arts? My neighbor has a gardener, nanny and housekeeper and she doesn’t work at ALL (for the life of me, I can’t figure out why she needs to hire help if she isn’t working). She is a good cook (REALLY good cook). Is she more of a feminist than I am because she hires help?

Are feminism and home-making skills mutually exclusive? If you enjoy home making tasks (cooking, cleaning, gardening, etc.) can you still be a feminist? What about men who fall into the above category of advocate, like my husband? Can he still be a feminist even though he isn’t female?

As a card carrying member of the ongoing feminist movement, I can tell you this: being a feminist doesn’t mean you have to forgo the home making arts. As one friend put it, and I quote, “Absolutely NOT! Being a feminist means that I am control of my life and my decisions. If I CHOOSE to stay home, work from home, work in the public, cook, clean, have babies, have no babies, or friggen spend my days painting kitty cats on rocks, it is my choice and I am the only one who is ultimately responsible for my happiness with my life. Others can influence my decisions, but only if I allow them to. Bring a feminist (to me) means being happy with me, my life, my body, and choices, and not allowing others to rule those decisions for me.”

Just because you feel that women are equal to men and deserve equal treatment doesn’t mean you can’t engage in, and enjoy cooking. In fact, according to Friend Kari, above, it means you SHOULD engage in anything that you find brings you happiness and/or peace. Anyone who has ever been to my house to eat can attest that I am a better than average cook, and anyone who truly knows me, also knows that I am a feminist. If you have been a guest in my house you hopefully have experienced my desire to make all guests feel welcome, wanted and full. That being said, does aiming to be a good host make me less of a feminist and more of a June Cleaver?

I guess if I am truthful with myself and you (and I always try to be), I would admit that in my 20’s I DID think that homemaking and feminism were diametrically opposed. I suppose I felt if you had a career, you shouldn’t be expected to be a housewife/homemaker. I worked outside of the home until 1998 and even though I worked outside the home, I STILL made most of our food from scratch, not necessarily because I enjoyed it, but because it was cheaper and saving money was a priority back then. Now that I work from home I continue to cook from scratch because I ENJOY it. Perhaps the necessity of the actions in my youth made it second nature to continue with what I was already doing and fostered a desire to learn more (Moment of Truth – I ALWAYS wanted to go to culinary school and finally went to a REAL class in 2010). Now, I do things outside of the norm in the household culinary world just because I can and I CHOOSE to stretch and learn. So, does the fact that I cure and smoke my own bacon make me a feminist or a Prairie Housewife?

Knowing what I know about myself and my desire to cook, learn and still advocate for equal rights for women, I have decided that I will forever be known as either a Domestic Goddess, a Domestic Diva or Fabulous Feminist. Take your pick. And if you come to visit, know that I will be in the kitchen cooking up a storm and proving women are equal to men at every turn. And if I have to identify with TV Moms…well, I am cross between June Cleaver and Peg Bundy…yes really!
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